Within the next few weeks i will turn 36 years of age. wow. I still think i look like i did as a teenager, once i look past the grey stubble. Throughout my life i have had the ethos of hard work, You get out what you put in. I have physically laboured for many years and put the hard work in, yet i see nothing back and one thought keeps coming to mind “how much of my time have i wasted already”?
On the verge of being the wrong side of 30, I do not own a car, a house, a job, or a sizeable savings account. The “improvements” i have made to our rented home are for the most part, unfinished. Where did it all go wrong? As with a huge percentage of adults, i have wasted every penny i have earned. By not saving effectively, I set myself up to fail over and over again. My car slipped the timing belt and it snapped in June 2018, the option of a repair was not available because of the extent of the damage. I became a pedestrian…well a cyclist actually. I could only afford to buy a secondhand bike from a local advert, and due to my bosses sporadic approach to paying wages, i was terrified of borrowing any money from the bank. The funny thing was, i actually got to work in the same time i could drive, and usually got home 10-20 minutes quicker. I discovered the app Strava and quickly began to get past the posterior pain and sore legs, and i actually enjoyed the journeys…autumn and winter were a different kettle of fish and the 15 mile journey often felt like 100. Regular lifts off Lesley were accepted without giving it a second thought, and i was more grateful than she would ever know.
Money has played a big and small part of my life. The small part was actually getting it, the big part was worrying i didn’t have enough. Its hard to concentrate on the things that really do matter in life when you have so much other stuff that could be solved by having money…”yeah but it doesn’t make you happy”….bullshit. Money would literally fix every problem that is rattling around most peoples heads, with the exception of medical injuries etc, money does help.
So what can i do?
According to the recruitment sites i have been scrolling through for the past month…i am mainly eligible for jobs that pay less than £10 per hour, take out the jobs that are actually within commuting distance on a bike, the ones that require specialist qualifications or education in certain areas…and i am left staring at a list of job descriptions, that could just as easily be a list of coffin options, and they may as well be. Employers are looking to maximise their productivity by “multi tasking positions”. They want someone to work “40 hours per week, with overtime as it is required, flexible to work 2/3 weekends per month, that can the work of 2/3 people”…i mean i am all for hard work, but it seems to me, the work/life balance is tipping the scales in favour of the employer. While it has been a sobering experience to realise how little i am qualified to do, it has made me determined to see what i am actually capable of becoming.
Middle age change…
if nothing else its going to be an interesting journey.